When I was in elementary school, we had to read the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day and we then had to write a fictional story along the same lines. I think I wrote something about forgetting my homework, my mom making something I didn’t like for dinner and not getting any hits in my softball game. A tragic day indeed. But if I were still in contact with Mrs. Bess, I would resubmit my story, based on today’s events.
Today, I set out in my car which had a brand new front bumper (which, for the record, was busted up previously, thanks to someone else–not me). I had picked my car up from the shop on Friday night and left today having driven it pretty much for the first time since I had it back from the shop. I headed to the warehouse because I was told I had to pick up a same-day sample and deliver wine to a restaurant downtown for someone. Fail number one. Upon getting to the warehouse, my samples weren’t ready and the wine I had to deliver wasn’t there. I put in a phone call to find out what was up and I found out it was already delivered. Awesome. After leaving the warehouse, I was headed to my other account and as I sat waiting patiently to turn right (turning right on red=not allowed) the traffic to my left in the lanes that went straight (and only straight), had a green light. I still had a red.
Finally my light turned green and as I proceeded to turn, so did the Nissan Xterra in the straight lane next to me. Right into my bumper. She tore it off almost all the way. My brand-new-not-even-dinged-or-mud-splattered-yet-bumper hung by a screw and some plastic as I dragged it into a Burger King parking lot. We exchanged information and then I had to wait 2 hours for a tow truck because I couldn’t get the bumper off all the way thus making it undrivable. Then, all of my customers started calling with their orders, which I had to take while riding in Ray’s Tow Truck in which he had the windows down on the expressway. I had to apologize multiple times to my customers for having to ask them to repeat themselves.
After my drive to the body shop, where I was greeted on a first name basis because I had just seen them not but three days ago, I had to politely ask them to wait while I handled work business. They were very nice and looked at the car to assess the damage while I punched orders with their 4-year old grand daughter who offered to help me with my work if I dressed her Barbie.
I was beginning to get a smidgen hungry at this point because it was 4:45pm and I had only eaten a granola bar and a cup of coffee all day and I couldn’t tell if my headache was from the events of the day or hunger. It was a toss up.
While I waited for Enterprise Rent-A-Car to come get me, the granddaughter showed me how to walk a dog which, in reality, was a broken yo-yo tied to a plastic toy that had a flat surface that slid across the office floor.
When Enterprise arrived, I was reunited with my buddy Ed, who was also the same guy who picked me up from the exact same body shop on Thursday. He asked how business was and if I had a good time on my birthday.
When we returned to the Enterprise office where I was hoping to be reunited with the car I had just turned in, I was told to sit tight while they called the other branches because they ran.out.of.cars. I was then shuttled to the next town over where I was given the last car they had to rent out: a mini van. A mini van. Which btw, isn’t even helpful in my line of work because the trunk area is sunken in (you know, where the stroller goes?), making wine case loading and unloading not easy.
Oh and it only had 1/4 tank of gas.
Then I had to go BACK to the warehouse and fill out paperwork during rush hour traffic. I arrived home in my loser cruiser at 7:10pm.
I win Alexander. I win.
Oh dude.