Dear middle-aged white woman with a big, 80’s-style Texas perm,
Thank you for rolling the stop sign and almost t-boning me in the parking lot at the grocery store just now. I could see how it would have been my fault, since I’m in the driver of a dark-colored vehicle and it was dusk. Clearly, I should have seen you ignore the gigantic red stop sign, since you’re in a shiny, practically-glows-in-the-dark-it’s-so-white Mercedes Benz convertible. Your giant bicycle reflector of a vehicle should have been a beacon signaling me to stop for a while longer and let you coast on through.
I also wanted to thank you for stopping at the red light a few moments later and choosing to wait to make the right-on-red in both lanes. That was also very gracious of you. It gave me a moment to reflect on how clever your “DA SHZL” personalized license plate is. It’s a good thing it was not a California plate, as I’m sure you would have had to settle for another personalized mantra calling attention to yourself because surely Snoop Dogg’s wife has the CA plate with “DA SHZL” stamped on it.
You were so very patient waiting at the light, as you sat practically parked in both lanes. It must be wonderful to be so carefree that you don’t realize that you are creating a traffic jam in the parking lot of the grocery store behind you and that those also attempting to leave the grocery store lot were forced to block the McDonald’s drive through lane, only to have people honk at you because they cannot exit the drive through with their happy meals. You even waited to make double sure that cross-traffic in the street was clear after the light turned green and you had the right of way. Very careful driving…those at the DMV would be proud.
I’m sure you didn’t even hear those other people honking at you over your music. Afterall, you were kind enough to blast your 80s hair band rock with your top down for all to hear. It is these thoughtful gestures that make me want to drive my car all the way back home across the country in the hopes that I can meet more people like you.
It is now my sincere wish that by the time I’m 45, I, too, can have a personalized license plate that references 20-something’s pop culture and drive like I own the road.
Your fellow driver